Lucky doesn't think any less of her for wanting it even though she thinks less of herself for it. He doesn't think that he can. Would it be better for them to watch her reaction to his death? If she got so scared from his brush with death on this mission, how much more powerfully would she react to his actual death if she had lost him but survived?
It's not that he thinks himself so self important that he doesn't think she can make it through his death, but he knows that she has already lost so much and he knows what grief can do to a person. He has seen it. He has felt the effects of it himself and watched his father suffer through the grief of losing Laura, how he spiraled into alcoholism so quickly after that.
What are you asking of me? It's that question when she looks at him like that that almost steals the air from his chest. It's the way that she looks that makes it hard to breathe for a moment. He sucks in a breath when he can manage it. "For you to be with me for as long as possible. I promised you forever, and I thought that promise went both ways," Lucky says and there's a small smile on his face, because he remembers her making that promise and he is trying to hold back the tears instead because it will never be forever. "I'm asking you to not hold your love back from me, not an inch of it. you never have before, and it's all that I want from you. I want you."
It's the only way that he knows how to put it. He would ask of her what they've always had even if it felt like they were in danger of losing that these past five days, when he watched her walk away from him.
"Okay," Lucky says, and he nods because she has forgiven him. She understands that he's sorry but she has doesn't hold it against him. It is easier to really believe it, the more times that he hears it.
The way that she is in his arms, the feel of her close to him makes it easier for him to sleep too. He is reminded that she is near, that he knows where he is in this universe that he doesn't technically exist in. There's no being lost, searching for a path that cannot be found.
His path is with her. His journey is here. It centers him, stabilizes him, and he is able to sleep. They are so good for each other, and he can remember that because as painful as it feels right now, it's better than the aching, emptiness, lost feeling that he had in the five days that he spent without her.
Lena kisses him back with intensity and need, and he meets it with need of his own, with the strength of his feelings in his chest without holding any of it back. He dives into that kiss as intensely as she does, because he didn't know. He didn't know that they'd be back here again like this after what had happened. There had been moments that he had been terrified that that was it. I love you, the kiss says back to her, his hands say to her skin. I will always love you. And this is love, what he is feeling. It is so much more than lust, beyond friendship, past anything else. It's love, and he can feel it breathing through the whole of him as he grabs hold of her like if he doesn't, the rest of the world will rip her away.
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It's not that he thinks himself so self important that he doesn't think she can make it through his death, but he knows that she has already lost so much and he knows what grief can do to a person. He has seen it. He has felt the effects of it himself and watched his father suffer through the grief of losing Laura, how he spiraled into alcoholism so quickly after that.
What are you asking of me? It's that question when she looks at him like that that almost steals the air from his chest. It's the way that she looks that makes it hard to breathe for a moment. He sucks in a breath when he can manage it. "For you to be with me for as long as possible. I promised you forever, and I thought that promise went both ways," Lucky says and there's a small smile on his face, because he remembers her making that promise and he is trying to hold back the tears instead because it will never be forever. "I'm asking you to not hold your love back from me, not an inch of it. you never have before, and it's all that I want from you. I want you."
It's the only way that he knows how to put it. He would ask of her what they've always had even if it felt like they were in danger of losing that these past five days, when he watched her walk away from him.
"Okay," Lucky says, and he nods because she has forgiven him. She understands that he's sorry but she has doesn't hold it against him. It is easier to really believe it, the more times that he hears it.
The way that she is in his arms, the feel of her close to him makes it easier for him to sleep too. He is reminded that she is near, that he knows where he is in this universe that he doesn't technically exist in. There's no being lost, searching for a path that cannot be found.
His path is with her. His journey is here. It centers him, stabilizes him, and he is able to sleep. They are so good for each other, and he can remember that because as painful as it feels right now, it's better than the aching, emptiness, lost feeling that he had in the five days that he spent without her.
Lena kisses him back with intensity and need, and he meets it with need of his own, with the strength of his feelings in his chest without holding any of it back. He dives into that kiss as intensely as she does, because he didn't know. He didn't know that they'd be back here again like this after what had happened. There had been moments that he had been terrified that that was it. I love you, the kiss says back to her, his hands say to her skin. I will always love you. And this is love, what he is feeling. It is so much more than lust, beyond friendship, past anything else. It's love, and he can feel it breathing through the whole of him as he grabs hold of her like if he doesn't, the rest of the world will rip her away.